This is my friend's theory: she thinks that friends with benefits do not exist. You're either dating, in which case there are feelings involved and you're putting your heart out there, hoping for a relationship or some shit like that, or you're just having sex. In this last situation you should not mix business with pleasure. Meaning, you should probably leave after you're done shagging and when you do hang out with that person, it's with the sole purpose of getting laid.
I beg to differ.
Or better yet, I don't, really. I just wish I had the ability of not giving a fuck to the extent of leaving after sex, but I'm really not like that.
It's not that I'm out there begging people to love me. It's not that I fall for everyone I meet, quite the contrary, I've only been in love once. But when I do have sex with someone, I'm usually attracted to the person in a level that surpasses the purely physical attraction. Because when I am attracted to someone, I really am. I don't beat around the bush you see, I'm not one of those girls who go shopping and end up not buying anything. I know what I want and I know what I like and if I like you, I just know it. Then there's also this strange thing about me that just makes people fall a little bit for me when we first meet, making it impossible for me to keep it casual - you see, if you tell me how special I am and how you were longing for someone like me for such a long time and I look into your eyes and I see you're actually not bullshitting me, well, let's just say you kind of just became what I was looking for as well. I love people who appreciate me. If you're fit and funny and cute and actually appreciate me, feelings will bloom. If you're fit and funny and cute but then you forget I exist and you don't even tell me I look nice when we meet, sorry, but we have a problem. Fortunately, I never fall for idiots and idiots soon see that they haven't got a chance with me, hence the fact that every girl who actually took pursuing me seriously ended up having feelings for me, even if it's just something very fleeting.
Like The Pipettes used to sing, it's not love, but it's still a feeling.
So back to the matter in hand, the sex.
Would I actually like to fuck someone I don't like, to the point that I can leave their house after shagging them with no remorse whatsoever and a cheeky grin on my face? I don't think so. Am I being a hypocrite with myself for trying to repress my feelings for a girl just because I don't think we'll ever be right for each other, but I still find her incredibly attractive and charming? Perhaps. Do I care? Right now? Not really. I mean, what the fuck, sometimes I feel so inexperienced and yet I've lived through my first heartbreak. A little bit of fooling around won't hurt, even when I know I could actually come to really like the girl if I let myself.
My friends are always giving me this look. The look that says "You're going to get hurt and you deserve so much better. Like a proper relationship with a person who's balanced and serious about you.". And then you see them getting their I told you so's all ready and shit and you know they're right. You do deserve a proper relationship with someone who's ready for it and who's your perfect match, regardless of whoever tells you your expectations are too high - I've heard mixed opinions when it comes to my standards, but I will get to that in another post.
So, will I keep trying to maintain things on a Friends With Benefits level if I think the girl is worth it? Probably. Will it work? I have no idea. But if I want to be serious about giving advice to the young lesbian in distress, I might as well get the full ride. So my next experiment will be: can you shag someone you actually like without letting yourself fall for them?
You don't need to thank me.
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