Tomboys, Studs, Bois and overall Butch Women... get in my pants.

Being the only girl I know who actually admits she loves tomboys is hard. I mean, what's it with people and judging a girl's sexuality just because she's not usually into femmes? No one ever judges gay men who are into flamming queers or even drag queens. They're still "fags". Now, if you're a girl and you tell someone you're mostly into tomboys or butch women, the first thing they will say to you is something along the lines of "Are you sure you're not straight?". I've been judged by gay women, straight women, gay men and especially straight men and it used to get on my last nerve. Then I stopped being afraid of admitting it, raised my butch/femme appreciation flag with pride and people got over it.

That's what this world needs, ladies. If you're a femme and you're looking at your computer screen, agreeing with every word I just wrote, then stand up for your right of being accepted as lesbian woman, not just someone who tries to find a man in a woman. Because we are not looking for a man. Boobies are amazing, muff is awesome and girls who can wear boys' clothes and own them should just lift up my 50s cocktail dress and do me against a wall. Or something.

Besides, there needs to be more tomboy appreciation in this world. Some of them are assholes, yes, and they get more pussy than the average femme, YES, but really, does that count as being loved for who they are? If people stopped putting them in these stupid boxes (i.e. TV series like The L Word), maybe they would feel confident to actually put some effort into a relationship. If they stopped being approached by stupid bi-curious straight girls all the time who always end up breaking their heart, maybe they would talk to us sexy femmes instead of just longing from a distance, wondering if we're really worth the trouble (sorry if this offends you, I just had to get it out of my chest). But most of all, I think that if they knew how much some of us appreciate them, not only by the looks but also for their attitude and personalities, maybe they would stop being afraid of appreciating us back.

So without further ado, here are the reasons that make me love tomboy/stud/boi/butch lesbians so much.

• I like the way your ass looks in those jeans and I love it when you wear shirts and if I could I would make you wear bow ties every single day. I love your caps and your beanies and your leather jackets and your hoodies. I love how we stand out in a crowd, me so girly and you so cool. Your swag makes me so horny I might as well just carry a bed around.
• Your haircuts are amazing. Be it that stylish short haircut or a shaved head or cool dreadlocks or braids or no hair at all, it just shows off your faces so beautifully.
• I love it when you look like you could protect me from anyone or anything. It's not that I need protection, I've been single long enough to learn how to take care of myself, it's just the fact that you could if I needed to and you would do it gladly. Also, your fierceness turns me on. A lot. And when you show your cute side and it ends up being even more blatant than mine? That has to be one of my favourite parts of knowing a tomboy inside out. The way you make these funny faces when you see cute animals or perhaps your penchant for cuddling or the way you might actually purr when I give you a back rub? That's genuine and different from what most people see and it makes me feel special.
• I love it when you act all caring and gentlemanly. Again, I don't need it, but I appreciate it. I love it when you ask me out on dates and I love it when you compliment me and I'll probably look at you like the sun shines out of your ass. I love it when you give me your jacket and I love it when you just can't stop touching me and I just want you to know that all these actions do not go unnoticed. Don't you ever think a girl is just replacing you by a man when she appreciates this actions. Wait, take your time, and you'll find out that if she's the right sort, she'll probably spoil you rotten as well (if she's like me, cooking, back rubs and longing stares will be involved, along with a constant willingness to get you out of those clothes).
• And last, but not least, you are special and you make me feel special. I love walking down the street with your arm on my shoulder or around my waist if you're into it, or just walking by your side if you're shy. I love the fact that we make such a cute couple, even if some people might judge because couples like us are so 20th century. I will smile at everyone on the street because I look at us and I see beauty and I'll introduce you to my friends and I'll watch you with pride as you charm all of them.

 Conclusion: I love you all, skinny or curvy - especially if you're tall - white, black, asian, dapper or with a killer swagger... I think you're amazing. So don't be afraid of talking to us, shy femmes with a princess syndrome - some day you might get lucky and find yourself a keeper.

Friends With Benefits: or a softer way of saying "Someone is going to get hurt."

This is my friend's theory: she thinks that friends with benefits do not exist. You're either dating, in which case there are feelings involved and you're putting your heart out there, hoping for a relationship or some shit like that, or you're just having sex. In this last situation you should not mix business with pleasure. Meaning, you should probably leave after you're done shagging and when you do hang out with that person, it's with the sole purpose of getting laid.

I beg to differ.

Or better yet, I don't, really. I just wish I had the ability of not giving a fuck to the extent of leaving after sex, but I'm really not like that.

It's not that I'm out there begging people to love me. It's not that I fall for everyone I meet, quite the contrary, I've only been in love once. But when I do have sex with someone, I'm usually attracted to the person in a level that surpasses the purely physical attraction. Because when I am attracted to someone, I really am. I don't beat around the bush you see, I'm not one of those girls who go shopping and end up not buying anything. I know what I want and I know what I like and if I like you, I just know it. Then there's also this strange thing about me that just makes people fall a little bit for me when we first meet, making it impossible for me to keep it casual - you see, if you tell me how special I am and how you were longing for someone like me for such a long time and I look into your eyes and I see you're actually not bullshitting me, well, let's just say you kind of just became what I was looking for as well. I love people who appreciate me. If you're fit and funny and cute and actually appreciate me, feelings will bloom. If you're fit and funny and cute but then you forget I exist and you don't even tell me I look nice when we meet, sorry, but we have a problem. Fortunately, I never fall for idiots and idiots soon see that they haven't got a chance with me, hence the fact that every girl who actually took pursuing me seriously ended up having feelings for me, even if it's just something very fleeting.

Like The Pipettes used to sing, it's not love, but it's still a feeling.

So back to the matter in hand, the sex.

Would I actually like to fuck someone I don't like, to the point that I can leave their house after shagging them with no remorse whatsoever and a cheeky grin on my face? I don't think so. Am I being a hypocrite with myself for trying to repress my feelings for a girl just because I don't think we'll ever be right for each other, but I still find her incredibly attractive and charming? Perhaps. Do I care? Right now? Not really. I mean, what the fuck, sometimes I feel so inexperienced and yet I've lived through my first heartbreak. A little bit of fooling around won't hurt, even when I know I could actually come to really like the girl if I let myself.

My friends are always giving me this look. The look that says "You're going to get hurt and you deserve so much better. Like a proper relationship with a person who's balanced and serious about you.". And then you see them getting their I told you so's all ready and shit and you know they're right. You do deserve a proper relationship with someone who's ready for it and who's your perfect match, regardless of whoever tells you your expectations are too high - I've heard mixed opinions when it comes to my standards, but I will get to that in another post.

So, will I keep trying to maintain things on a Friends With Benefits level if I think the girl is worth it? Probably. Will it work? I have no idea. But if I want to be serious about giving advice to the young lesbian in distress, I might as well get the full ride. So my next experiment will be: can you shag someone you actually like without letting yourself fall for them?

You don't need to thank me.

Dear Shane, you are the bane of my existence. Love, V.

So if you haven't figured it out, yet, I am young. Not underage, of course, or else me blogging about clubbing would indicate that I have a fake ID of sorts, but still, I'm part of the generation that was directly influenced by the L Word.

For us, these TV series were not simply a form of entertainment or a way for us to actually fully connect with the lives of fictional characters in TV once and for all. No, for my generation, the L Word actually shaped the way most lesbians behave nowadays. And that would be all well and good if not for one bloody irritating character whom I want to kill just as much as I want to fuck against a wall: Shane McCutcheon.

Now, why do I hate Shane? She's pretty hot, I'll give you that, and looks-wise she basically fits the bill of my perfect woman. But that personality? Not so much. She's a bloody womanizer, she's full of herself, she knows it AND she gets all the girls because of that. Acting like a prick equals instant panty dropper, that's the idea we can take from her character. Automatically, young girls who want to get laid will start dressing like her, which is good because let's just face it, there are a lot of lesbians out there with no fashion sense whatsoever. The fact that dressing LIKE Shane might not make you look as good as Shane could be a problem, but that's not even my biggest complaint, OH NO. The problem, you see, is when they all start ACTING like bloody Shane, fucking everything they see and thinking they're the shit just because they look so good a.k.a. like someone else who happens to be a dykon or something. They also started to gain this status of hot shit when Shane was particularly in vogue, the same status that now is not as strong as before, thank God, but that doesn't stop them from still having that stupid fucking attitude when nothing or no one is good enough for them.

Now, don't get me wrong, Shane has her good sides, I suppose, but does anyone see that? No, they just look at her and think "Hey, acting like an asshole will get me pussy!" and that's what they do. No one even sees that she ends up alone, that nice girls like Alice and Tasha get a beautiful love story and that people who believe in beautiful relationships actually get one instead of running away from them. They also have this thing when they COUNT how many girls they've fucked and then you see them competing like Shane and Papi, I kid you not. It's just not as blatant as it is on the series, but still, it's something that people just KNOW. And if you live in a small city like I used to when I was younger, this situation is just as common as gay guys and their Gossip Girl inspired blogs.

When it comes to the lovely L Word girls, my dream woman is Tasha and, eventually, you will notice that I'm Alice - starting with the fact that I talk too much more times than not. But I just love their relationship, I love the fact that Tasha is noble and caring as much as she is extremely atractive and I especially love the fact that they have the same views in relationships and the concept of cheating. Plus, uniforms and suits.

They look so adorable together I just want to cry, ok.

Word of advice? Being a full of yourself asshole might get you in some girls' pants, but being a nice, confident person will give you access to the hearts of some lovely young women like me. So, choose wisely.

Trusting Your Gut, or why you should stop yourself from falling for the wrong person.

Most people say falling in love is something you have no control over whatsoever and, in a way, you really don't. But that's not a good enough reason not to try and stop a heartbreak before it happens. When Natalie Portman's 'Alice' in Closer said that there's always a moment when you can decide if you want to fall for someone or not, I screamed "Bullshit!", but in truth, haven't we all had that moment when we saw our heart breaking sooner than not, yet we did nothing to stop it from happen?

It's not that I don't believe in love as one of the purest feelings on earth. I do, I'm a romantic, sometimes too much. But still, there's no need for pain. Love is, by itself, a beautiful feeling, but it can destroy you. And there will be a point in your life when your innocence will be gone and give place to experience - and that's not bad, it's just the way of life and, even though it might be hard at first, in the end you will be thankful for everything you've been through and all the lessons you've learned. So that experience will keep you company for the rest of your life as a feeling in your gut that some tend to follow, others don't.

Not trusting your gut is a foolish move, but it happens.

Then you have the signs. These happen after you've ignored your gut and still you feel uneasy when they show themselves, to the point that, one day, you will know for a fact that trying to have something special with that person will only result in pain. And no one likes pain. Well, some people do. But then again I don't give advice to people who enjoy pain because I just can't relate to that, no offence, yeah? Let's just say I enjoy being happy too much.

Now you've felt uneasy at first and you decided to ignore it - that's comprehensible. Knowing for a fact that the person is going to fuck up and still trying something is just jumping in front of a moving train. Now, I've had people telling me that they're better than everyone else because they know what's going to happen, they know it's going to destroy them, and even then they don't back away. That's all well and good, very Gryffindor of them, but then again my other word for Gryffindor is idiot. So don't tell me you're better than me because you're reckless and I won't tell you I'm better than you because I actually think before I do something. It's just what I do and it's my advice to people who think they've had enough of heartbreaks and stuff. There was a time when I'd never fallen in love and in those days I remember I used to say "I want to fall in love, even if it hurts."

Well, I had my fair share of hurting, let's just get to the loving, shall we?

So when you see that train-wreck happening in front of you, what to do? Back away. No drama, no parting speeches, no epic last words. A friend gave me a very wise advice one day: never say or do anything that you've heard or saw in a film or book. Never say or do anything that you could perhaps see happening in a film or book. Keep it real, keep it dry and don't think you can change someone intentionally. Just say "This is not going to work. Goodbye." and add an "I hope we can still be friends." if you think you can handle it. Your super inspiring parting speech might make them rethink their ways, but it will never be honest, and chances are that your dryness has more of a chance of triggering their conscience than your emotional guilt-tripping talk ever would. Saying stuff like "I don't want to fall for you." will automatically sound like "I'm falling for you." and if you are then nothing's wrong with them, right? Wrong.

People only change genuinely when they do it for themselves, not for others - that's why you see so many people saying they're assholes because someone broke them and yet it only happened when they found out they couldn't count on that person in the first place, hence the person was not really there when the change occurred. See, they were the ones who decided to start being assholes in the first place and they are the only ones who can actually stop it.

So stop everything that won't do you any good. Stop trying to change people in order for them to make you happy and make yourself happy, for a change. Because after all those times trying to make other people happy and failing (because they weren't happy with themselves in the first place), it shouldn't be that hard.

Girls Night Out... with the boys.

Pardon me if this is not your usual night out, fellow lesbians, but not all of us found their super cool group of dyke friends immediately after coming out of the closet. Some of us who prefer glamour over comfort are attracted to the other side of the LGBT social spectrum and not necessarily because they're men. Some of us were even a part of it before coming out as full fledged lesbians/bisexuals/pansexuals/whatever floats your boat. Some call us fag hags and most think we're all straight, fat and frustrated. Some call us the best of both worlds and we call them our best friends.

Gay men and femme lesbians are a match made in heaven.

Now let's see how this can be an advantage or put a stop to your love life like it basically never existed in the first place.

You dance, you have fun, you receive daily compliments and you know they're the most honest words you will ever hear. These boys can also be your wingmen, being there for you when this cute girl wants to talk to you but doesn't know how to start. That's right girls, if you see a sexy lady and her gay best friend, don't assume she's straight - ask him first. Chances are he will know if you're her type or not and save you from the embarrassment of those first awkward words.

Now, what can stop you from getting any? If you, like me, start collecting an amount of gay friends to the point that you create a wall of men surrounding you, that can be a problem. It can also be slightly annoying when you're the only girl in the lesbian bar sitting alone with your gay friend, whilst all the others have their own group of lesbian friends and you can only think "How do they do it?". But don't panic - it's not like you need to get yourself a new group of friends. You just need to relax, have fun, be yourself and wait.

Chances are you know these girls are dying to talk to you. Chances are you just need to stop being a pussy and go for it. Chances are you are not like me, in which case I salute you for getting laid.