Thursday 15 September 2011

Tomboys, Studs, Bois and overall Butch Women... get in my pants.

Being the only girl I know who actually admits she loves tomboys is hard. I mean, what's it with people and judging a girl's sexuality just because she's not usually into femmes? No one ever judges gay men who are into flamming queers or even drag queens. They're still "fags". Now, if you're a girl and you tell someone you're mostly into tomboys or butch women, the first thing they will say to you is something along the lines of "Are you sure you're not straight?". I've been judged by gay women, straight women, gay men and especially straight men and it used to get on my last nerve. Then I stopped being afraid of admitting it, raised my butch/femme appreciation flag with pride and people got over it.


That's what this world needs, ladies. If you're a femme and you're looking at your computer screen, agreeing with every word I just wrote, then stand up for your right of being accepted as lesbian woman, not just someone who tries to find a man in a woman. Because we are not looking for a man. Boobies are amazing, muff is awesome and girls who can wear boys' clothes and own them should just lift up my 50s cocktail dress and do me against a wall. Or something.


Besides, there needs to be more tomboy appreciation in this world. Some of them are assholes, yes, and they get more pussy than the average femme, YES, but really, does that count as being loved for who they are? If people stopped putting them in these stupid boxes (i.e. TV series like The L Word), maybe they would feel confident to actually put some effort into a relationship. If they stopped being approached by stupid bi-curious straight girls all the time who always end up breaking their heart, maybe they would talk to us sexy femmes instead of just longing from a distance, wondering if we're really worth the trouble (sorry if this offends you, I just had to get it out of my chest). But most of all, I think that if they knew how much some of us appreciate them, not only by the looks but also for their attitude and personalities, maybe they would stop being afraid of appreciating us back.

So without further ado, here are the reasons that make me love tomboy/stud/boi/butch lesbians so much.

  • I like the way your ass looks in those jeans and I love it when you wear shirts and if I could I would make you wear bow ties every single day. I love your caps and your beanies and your leather jackets and your hoodies. I love how we stand out in a crowd, me so girly and you so cool. Your swag makes me so horny I might as well just carry a bed around.
  • Your haircuts are amazing. Be it that stylish short haircut or a shaved head or cool dreadlocks or braids or no hair at all, it just shows off your faces so beautifully.
  • I love it when you look like you could protect me from anyone or anything. It's not that I need protection, I've been single long enough to learn how to take care of myself, it's just the fact that you could if I needed to and you would do it gladly. Also, your fierceness turns me on. A lot. And when you show your cute side and it ends up being even more blatant than mine? That has to be one of my favourite parts of knowing a tomboy inside out. The way you make these funny faces when you see cute animals or perhaps your penchant for cuddling or the way you might actually purr when I give you a back rub? That's genuine and different from what most people see and it makes me feel special.
  • I love it when you act all caring and gentlemanly. Again, I don't need it, but I appreciate it. I love it when you ask me out on dates and I love it when you compliment me and I'll probably look at you like the sun shines out of your ass. I love it when you give me your jacket and I love it when you just can't stop touching me and I just want you to know that all these actions do not go unnoticed. Don't you ever think a girl is just replacing you by a man when she appreciates this actions. Wait, take your time, and you'll find out that if she's the right sort, she'll probably spoil you rotten as well (if she's like me, cooking, back rubs and longing stares will be involved, along with a constant willingness to get you out of those clothes).
  • And last, but not least, you are special and you make me feel special. I love walking down the street with your arm on my shoulder or around my waist if you're into it, or just walking by your side if you're shy. I love the fact that we make such a cute couple, even if some people might judge because couples like us are so 20th century. I will smile at everyone on the street because I look at us and I see beauty and I'll introduce you to my friends and I'll watch you with pride as you charm all of them.
 Conclusion: I love you all, skinny or curvy - especially if you're tall - white, black, asian, dapper or with a killer swagger... I think you're amazing. So don't be afraid of talking to us, shy femmes with a princess syndrome - some day you might get lucky and find yourself a keeper.

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Friends With Benefits: or a softer way of saying "Someone is going to get hurt."

This is my friend's theory: she thinks that friends with benefits do not exist. You're either dating, in which case there are feelings involved and you're putting your heart out there, hoping for a relationship or some shit like that, or you're just having sex. In this last situation you should not mix business with pleasure. Meaning, you should probably leave after you're done shagging and when you do hang out with that person, it's with the sole purpose of getting laid.

I beg to differ.

Or better yet, I don't, really. I just wish I had the ability of not giving a fuck to the extent of leaving after sex, but I'm really not like that.

It's not that I'm out there begging people to love me. It's not that I fall for everyone I meet, quite the contrary, I've only been in love once. But when I do have sex with someone, I'm usually attracted to the person in a level that surpasses the purely physical attraction. Because when I am attracted to someone, I really am. I don't beat around the bush you see, I'm not one of those girls who go shopping and end up not buying anything. I know what I want and I know what I like and if I like you, I just know it. Then there's also this strange thing about me that just makes people fall a little bit for me when we first meet, making it impossible for me to keep it casual - you see, if you tell me how special I am and how you were longing for someone like me for such a long time and I look into your eyes and I see you're actually not bullshitting me, well, let's just say you kind of just became what I was looking for as well. I love people who appreciate me. If you're fit and funny and cute and actually appreciate me, feelings will bloom. If you're fit and funny and cute but then you forget I exist and you don't even tell me I look nice when we meet, sorry, but we have a problem. Fortunately, I never fall for idiots and idiots soon see that they haven't got a chance with me, hence the fact that every girl who actually took pursuing me seriously ended up having feelings for me, even if it's just something very fleeting.

Like The Pipettes used to sing, it's not love, but it's still a feeling.

So back to the matter in hand, the sex.

Would I actually like to fuck someone I don't like, to the point that I can leave their house after shagging them with no remorse whatsoever and a cheeky grin on my face? I don't think so. Am I being a hypocrite with myself for trying to repress my feelings for a girl just because I don't think we'll ever be right for each other, but I still find her incredibly attractive and charming? Perhaps. Do I care? Right now? Not really. I mean, what the fuck, sometimes I feel so inexperienced and yet I've lived through my first heartbreak. A little bit of fooling around won't hurt, even when I know I could actually come to really like the girl if I let myself.

My friends are always giving me this look. The look that says "You're going to get hurt and you deserve so much better. Like a proper relationship with a person who's balanced and serious about you.". And then you see them getting their I told you so's all ready and shit and you know they're right. You do deserve a proper relationship with someone who's ready for it and who's your perfect match, regardless of whoever tells you your expectations are too high - I've heard mixed opinions when it comes to my standards, but I will get to that in another post.

So, will I keep trying to maintain things on a Friends With Benefits level if I think the girl is worth it? Probably. Will it work? I have no idea. But if I want to be serious about giving advice to the young lesbian in distress, I might as well get the full ride. So my next experiment will be: can you shag someone you actually like without letting yourself fall for them?

You don't need to thank me.